A public media professional living in Central New York. I blog about lifestyle and personal growth. Host of Life in HD, Pop Life, and The 315 podcasts (links in "Websites")
About The Making Of A Miscreant:
The Making Of A Miscreant is my deconstructed memoir. It's a collection of stories from events in my life that I believe have significantly contributed to the man that I am today.
Ever been in a relationship that hit a dry patch? Perhaps you are in one now. One that feels routine and mundane. No matter how much you love your partner or how wonderful you think your relationship is, things can often get a little boring. Healthy, happy relationships exist when partners work to bring out the best in each other. Relationships that are based on mutual respect and admiration. And let’s not forget about fun.
On today’s show, guest Boaz Frankel says sometimes you just have to get a little weird…together. The filmmaker, writer, and talk show host, along with his wife Brooke Barker, author of New York Times bestseller Sad Animal Facts, talks about embracing the eccentricities and weirdness of their personalities and relationship in their co-authored book Let’s Be Weird Together.
Let’s Be Weird Together is a fun book with quirky illustrations. It’s a rare relationship book that captures the rituals and micro universes that couples create together, in a sweet, fun package filled with humor and endearing quirkiness. They discovered that not only do they bring out the best in each other, they also bring out the weirdness too. Click the play button on the player to hear more about Let’s Get Weird Together and my conversation with Boaz Frankel. Be sure to follow the podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, Stitcher or wherever you get your audio content.
Happy New Year! Life in HD is back in action with a useful episode designed to get your fitness goals on track!
This episode is all about slowing down the aging process. Can you turn back your biological clock? Chris Crowley, one of the co-authors of the book Younger Next Year, says absolutely you can.
If your new year resolution to lose weight has already hit a snag, try changing the goal of losing weight (a short-term goal) to one where you focus on getting fit and staying fit for the rest of your life.
Chris Crowley, who in his mid 80’s was preparing to take a trip to ski Black Diamond slopes when I spoke with him, says that by taking control of our physical fitness and nutrition, we can prevent 70% of the normal problems associated with aging including weakness, sore joints, and bad balance. By exercising 6 days a week, we can eliminate 50% of serious illness and injury, and become 10% smarter. He and his co-author, Henry S. Lodge, MD, access numerous studies and research data to provide the science of aging and what we can do to live strong, fit, sexy, and smart until we are 80 and beyond.
I spoke with Chris for this episode of Life in HD to go through some tips for getting our fitness on track.
If you haven’t already followed the podcast for automatic delivery of new episodes, please do so wherever you get your podcasts. While there, please like and rate the show to help us reach more people.
There are dozens of things that we can do to improve our parenting skills. One thing that we can do is to help our children develop a love of learning and creative, independent thought.
When I reflect on my own experience as a young father helping my kids learn to read, I realize now that I made many mistakes. A lot of those mistakes were made out of shear ignorance. I tried to teach my children by applying pressure to perform well. And I am not a teacher by trade. I didn’t understand the necessary activities and building blocks needed to aid in developing cognitive ability and language skills. I made reading time a tense chore rather than an enjoyable discovery. I wish I had this conversation with New York Times children’s books editor Maria Russo when my kids were young. Sage advice from our conversation includes “Leave the teaching to teachers. Your job as a parent is to help your children discover the joy of reading.”
In their new book, How to Raise a Reader, Pamela Paul (editor of the New York Times Book Review) and Maria Russo (children’s books editor of the New York Times Book Review) divides the subject up into 4 stages of childhood – from babies to teens – and offer practical tips, strategies that work, and inspirational advice on how to help your kids develop a love of reading. Maria Russo was kind enough to chat with me on Life in HD. I hope you enjoy our conversation.
More information on How to Raise a Reader can be found here.
Today is the day that we celebrate 30 years of marriage. It all started when I spotted Angela P. Brown on an MTA bus in Baltimore, MD. I had no idea that the young woman seated a few rows away shared my destination (both literally and figuratively). I wrote about that day in a previous post. As the story goes, she wore a tight skirt and paisley boots; a pensive look and shiny lip gloss. I was intrigued, smitten even. She showed zero interest in me but I had to make my move or forever wonder “what if”? The rest is a 30 year love affair full of laughs, tears, celebrations, and curses. Ours is NOT a perfect marriage, but the foundation rest solidly on love, respect, and mutual admiration. Our three decades together have been wonderful but not without challenges.
Imagine a marriage proposal that goes something like this, “So you wanna just get married?” I would 1,000% do it all over again if I could. But I can’t and I have to live with that failure for the rest of my life. This woman deserved a Hollywood styled surprise proposal and I came up short. And yet, she still said yes.
The wedding was a hot AF October Saturday. We played a passive role in its planning and it probably showed. But we were surrounded by friends and family and that was cool. Some I’m sure thought we would make it while others likely thought it to be a disaster in the making. We knew what we had and that’s all that mattered at the time.
The decade saw the birth of our first child Imani Khadija Lee; a frightening and exhilarating moment in what was, to that date, a two year marriage. Mix an infant baby with a toddler marriage and you have the kind of stress that could break a weak bond. We were lucky to survive but overjoyed to be parents of a beautiful baby girl. I had to be on air at WEAA FM by 5 AM and we only had one car. Finding a daycare situation to accommodate us was difficult and added to the stress. But our commitment to each other and our young family helped us push through.
As if a new marriage and newborn child wasn’t enough of a test, we tossed a relocation in the mix for the hell of it. Moving to a place over 300 miles from family and friends to a place where we knew no one was risky but we embraced the adventure and faced our future head on. Angela and I loaded up the black Nissan Sentra with what wouldn’t fit in the moving truck, strapped 1 year-old Imani in a car seat and headed to Syracuse, NY where the early struggle continued.
We were finally catching our groove in Syracuse. My Job was going pretty well and during this time Angela began her human resources career at Welch Allyn. The ten years invested in this union had already long outlasted that of my parents. In fact, there were very few examples of healthy relationships to learn from in my family. My brother, Roland, and I were determined to make marriage and commitment to family a central part of our identity. But we were making it up as we went along.
To ensure our success in Syracuse we needed to create extended family where none existed. Enter David and Melanie Littlejohn. Along with David’s sister Linda and her husband Langston, the Littlejohns represented the extended family network that we needed to survive in our new home. This was equally important to Imani’s development.
Make no bones about it, these were tough years on the marriage. We purchased our first home and were taking on more debt, living pay check to pay check. But we never fought over money. Disagreements, yes. Fights? No. In fact, fights are rare with us. We allow space for cooling off after heated disagreements and we never have and never will say things to each other that we can’t take back. And intimacy was a challenge during this time in our lives. Busy jobs, active weekends, and a child with a robust social calendar, we struggled to connect organically. For nearly the entire decade, I slept in the guest bedroom because of sleep apnea. Sex was a “by appointment” activity for sure. Sunday night was the night and is was as consistent as the sunrise. We considered it “marriage maintenance” and made sure to never lose physical touch.
So while we were working to keep our heads above water, the decade would take a turn for the worse. In two consecutive summers, Angela and I would lose two of the most important people in our lives. Angela lost her mother, Geraldine, and I lost my brother Roland. Poor Imani lost a grandmother and her uncle. There were bouts of disbelief and depression. For a while after, summers represented sadness. The music of those summers became the soundtrack of tragedy. But we had each other through it all. Never losing our center…the love we had for each other.
Needing to lift our spirits, we chose to counter the loss with an addition to the family and, on a June afternoon in the year 2000, introduced Hadiya Asha Lee to the world. The LA Lakers were on the verge of beating the Pacers for the NBA championship and we were watching in the hospital room. Angie’s water broke early and labor was induced. I nearly fainted when she arrived. I dropped my wife’s leg and tripped over the surgical light cord on my way to the rocking chair. I made the grave mistake of looking down there as Hadiya’s head crowned. Hit simultaneously with the urge to hurl and shit my pants, I once again failed my wife. Left her to fend for herself during the birth of our second child. Hadiya was the joy that we needed. Another beautiful baby girl with an amazing spirit. Our little unit had grown to four and we were determined to be good parents. Through it all, though, we were equally determined not to let parenthood totally consume US. Research has shown that adding children to a marriage can decrease marital satisfaction. We made sure that parental duties were equally divided so no one partner absorbed more than their fair share of stress.
These were/are the good years. This what my wife refers to as “shit is gettin good” years. Debt was declining and income was rising. We purchased and moved into our second home and the girls flourished. But stressful careers and the demands of raising two kids put a strain on the relationship. We hit a rough patch and began to drift away from who we were as a couple. Losing our identity. Our center. Patience, communication, and love for one another is what helped us survive this tricky phase of marriage. A phase where things become almost business like as we divide responsibilities and work to manage those responsibilities. We were merely coexisting and that just wasn’t good enough for us. Increasing communication and being mindful of physical touch is how we began to change the narrative. And we began to clarify and put focus on our shared vision of the future.
Launching one child into the world and settling the other on campus translated into more alone time for Boogie and Bleezie. The much talked about empty nest. A period of stress and angst for many couples faced with detachment from their mom and dad identities. This was not our issue. The early investment in the relationship and our “us against the world” posture served us well. You see, Angela and I learned early on in our marriage that we were all we really had. There was no one investing in us but US. Best friends, lovers, partners cohesive and neatly packaged. So with a nest now empty, discovering life and growing together is how we forge our path. We enjoy and prefer each other’s company. Never losing what attracted us to each other during the early dating stages. We haven’t changed so significantly that we don’t know each other. Intimacy has never been better. We share both dreams and a vision of how to make those dreams come true. Truly living our best lives.
I asked Angela why she thought things worked so well between us and she responded with “marital norms”; and respecting each others space – both physical and metaphorical. Ever the business professional, Angela equates marital norms with workplace norms. That is having a shared understanding of roles and responsibilities and how you relate to and operate within your physical space. I call it having harmonic rhythm. We flow together like a river curving around rocks and banks, moving in the same direction and never diverging. And we have never tried to change each other because we believe that our differences balance us out.
Never Losing Touch
On mornings when I am the last to get out of bed, I walk downstairs to find Angela peddling around in the kitchen. I’ll hug her from behind when she doesn’t expect it or she will immediately walk into my arms for a warm embrace. This can happen all day long if we are not working. Touches, kisses, hugs…it’s hard to imagine being in the same room with her and not having physical contact. My hand resting on her thigh when I am driving. Holding hands for the 15 seconds that either of us can stand PDA as we walk down a city street. It is behavior that we want our children to see. We want them to know what a healthy, loving relationship is supposed to look like. “Couples who don’t maintain an intimate connection through both sexual and non-sexual actions are destined to become virtual strangers.”
The Next 10 & Beyond
Who knows what the future will bring. We plan to retire early and enjoy as much of what life has to offer us as we can. See the world a bit and develop new passions. We are just beginning to write the script and this love story is…TO BE CONTINUED
When we think of trauma, we tend to contextualize it with major traumatic events like the death of a loved one or a violent event. But traumatic events can happen to us on a daily basis and we often fail to recognize when it is impacting us.
If you’ve experienced an extremely stressful or disturbing event that has left you feeling helpless and emotionally out of control, you may have been traumatized. Today’s show will offer ways to identify when we are experiencing trauma and how to effectively combat it. My guest, Franchesca Clemente, is a psychotherapist that shares how to identify when your body is reacting to trauma, and she offers some practical advice on how to work your way through it.
Some of the advice for dealing with stress and trauma discussed in this episode include:
Breathing – breathing excercises can help calm yourself down by changing your focus and reducing your body’s physical reaction to stress.
Exercise – avoid obsessively reliving the traumatic event. Partake in activities that keep your mind occupied like exercise. Take a walk or a run, read a book, or play with your kids.
Professional development, regardless of your position, should be the driving force behind your career aspirations. But in order to advance your career, you need to have a plan. Or you can leave it up to chance. But having a plan is more the more likely path to success.
This episode of the podcast provides some concrete tips on what you should focus on in a good career development plan. I am joined by veteran, award-winning human resource professional, Angela Lee. She is Vice President of Talent Development for a publicly traded mid-cap global manufacturing company. If the last name sounds familiar, she also happens to be my wife. She is one of the brightest people that I know.
In the show, Angela shares the following tips:
Have a plan
Define what success looks like to you
Hoard skills and capabilities
Seek mentors and sponsors
Create networks and build social capital
Focus on results
Accept lateral moves if they help build skills and capabilities
Know when it’s time to move on
It’s a great conversation and I hope you’ll get something out of it. If you’ve built a successful career and would like to share some tips with others, feel free to leave some comments. I thank you in advance.
In 1968, after several platinum and gold albums, members of the iconic rock group the Beatles found themselves spiritually exhausted. They enjoyed the fame and the riches that came with it but often wondered…”what’s it all for?”
The group sought answers through the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, the leader of the Transcendental Meditation movement. They visited the Maharishi’s ashram in India in 1968. The experience had a profound impact on their music. I was super curious about what the search for enlightenment was like, not only for the Beatles, but for tens of thousands of people around the world.
To help me understand the experience, I turn to Susan Shumsky, author of Maharishi and Me: Seeking Enlightenment with the Beatles Guru. Susan was under the tutelage of the Maharishi for 22 years and served on his personal staff for 6. She talks to us about the enlightenment movement and how Transcendentalism is manifested in the Beatles music.
You’d think, in 2019, that the choice to not have children would be acceptable in our society, but American culture can’t accept the reality of a woman who does not want to be a mother. Motherhood is sacred and revered. Not wanting children goes against everything we’ve been taught to think about the concept of family. Women and girls are portrayed in media and pop culture as individuals driven to get married and have children. Yet in reality, there are plenty of women who would rather not have the stresses of parenting or the loss of individual identity. And the pushback against the stigma of not wanting to be a parent has given birth to the childfree movement in America.
Overcome by emotions at the loss of her father, pressures from a demanding job, and conflicted emotions over failed relationships, author and humanitarian worker Natasha Scripture embarked on a journey to answer the question at the center of her anxiety…What is my purpose? The answer is detailed in her new memoir, Man Fast.
Books, movies, and TV shows often sell the fantasy of finding “Mr Right”. That can be in direct conflict with finding yourself and discovering your purpose in life. Man Fast is a book about a personal journey to self-discovery and self-love. In a culture that prizes finding the right man, Natasha Scripture shares her personal story that demonstrates a better understanding of self and the world around us. It’s a story of her awakening…the art of paying attention…and recognizing the true source of love. And it all started with a fast from the dating game.
“I needed to design a life that was empowering and inspiring and authentic for me and not settle for a partner that didn’t feel right.”
Push play and enjoy the conversation.
Music in this episode is Lonely Satellite by Bio Unit under Creative Commons license.
It is a heavily researched question and the consensus is…yes, it can. One of the key benefits that money provides is safety and security. Having enough money eliminates anxiety when shopping or making large purchases. Money also affords you memorable life experiences that bring joy and happiness, allows you to help loved ones, and give back to your community.
But just how much money do you need to be happy? To answer that question, we narrowed the focus of this conversation down to how much money and what kind of experiences do the happiest people in retirement have in common.
call it happiness or peace of mind, money CAN provide a freedom that allows you
to truly enjoy your life in retirement and, according to Wes’ research, you
might not need as much as everyone is telling you that you need. Remember, the happiest retirees
Have a median of $500,000 in liquid net assets (up to $850,000)
Once you get above that amount, you’ll experience “diminishing marginal happiness”
The happiest retirees average 3.5 core pursuits and have an average of 2.5 children. (Listen to find out exactly what that means)
And the happiest retirees live in the middle when it comes to shopping and dining out. Not too cheap and not too expensive.
You’ll find the common traits among the happiest retirees to be very enlightening. I hope you’ll listen to discover more.